Love is, Love Ain't

Posts Tagged ‘relationships

Back in January I grieved the engagement of the one guy I consistently wanted to share my life with. And whenever I grieve anyone or anything, I have to find a theme song. As I thought about how egregious it was that he chose someone without at least trying it with me first, my emotions welled up deep inside of me and as I waited for the tears to roll uncontrollably down my face (and they didn’t), I turned to Jay-Z and decided to let his “Song Cry.” Because all I could hear was Jay saying, “I was gone get right back…”

So after I zoned out with Jay and his story about a relationship that diverged in his transformation into a star, I realized that I had been bamboozled by the “Get Right Back” play. That though I should have never emotionally tangled myself up with someone who always had something else – he had a girlfriend when I first met him, he was too hurt by her betrayal when we were both single and living in the same city, he wanted to build his career and travel the world – he was gone get right back.

Well he did get right back. He sent me an e-mail back in October, and I was ecstatic!! Yes, he got back – maybe this would be the beginning of our perfecting timing. I e-mailed him back – he e-mailed me – and we had a tennis match over e-mail. Finally, I decided I would act like a grown woman and say how about you give me a call sometime. He never e-mailed again or called, so I figured – he was gone get right back. Fast forward to January and he announces he is engaged. Well, no getting back on that. One of my best friends still thinks we’re meant to be and has concocted a plan for us to crash his wedding with an unsolicited objection. It would be fun in a motion-picture sort of way, but I’m single (by choice), not desperate.

I had previously written this post and didn’t post it because I didn’t have an optimistic type of life lesson to add to it, but I thought it would fun to add as I will try to pay homage to wedding season 2011. A single girl has got to have fun while people continue to ask her why she’s not married yet or what’s wrong with her  – doesn’t she? ☺

I have really been working hard to establish standards that are clear.  I haven’t met anyone new that I have had to establish standards with, but new boo still shows strong interest, and I have had to continually uphold those standards I have set with him.  I have listened to stories of other friends dating and been scolded continuously by my close friend because I’m not working hard to find (or keep) a man, and I began to question if I really knew how to compromise.  My ex likes to say I don’t know how to compromise, but I guess it all depends on who you are asking.

So I have been working on listening to the greater influence within me, and as I asked, “Do I know how to compromise?” I received almost an immediate answer.  A pretty important man in college football these days said, “Accept and tolerate only that which you want to encourage.”  This is some of the best advice I have received in a while, and I knew that it would be invaluable across the board in my relationships.  So I just had to share this on the blog.  Remember:  Accept and tolerate only that which you want to encourage.

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