Love is, Love Ain't

Broke Down Betty and The Snow Bunny, Part 1

Posted on: March 25, 2011

So, for the past few months, I’ve been rather busy with work and my studies, but I did meet a couple of ladies and I’m actually very interested in one of them. But first, let me tell you about an interesting experience with a woman I met late last year. Sometime in late December or early January, I think, I met a woman from Chi-town, let’s call her Broke Down Betty. She was attractive although she seemed a bit sad, and we struck up a conversation and exchanged numbers. We lived about two hours apart, so you would think that getting together for coffee or dinner wouldn’t be much of an issue. It was. Because I am committed to taking my time to get to know a girl before getting all googly-eyed about her, I really wanted to make sure that we had ample time to chat and hang out to see if there was a spark. Welllllll, the first time Broke Down Betty and I had an extended phone conversation, she broke down crying about two losses she had suffered in the past few years.  I immediately felt bad for her, but I also was pretty sure that this woman was in no shape to date anyone on a serious level.  She seemed to still be grieving deeply over the loss of her mother and close friend, and even though it had been two years, she still couldn’t speak about the loss without breaking down. She really needed to heal emotionally, and take some time to take care of herself. But that is not why I called her Broke Down Betty.

At some point over the next couple of weeks, Broke Down Betty actually broke her wrist while helping a little old lady. No, seriously. This is why I call her Broke Down Betty.  However, we weren’t talking much, and seemed to be only be communicating by text. Now, I’m a talker, so although we chatted a little about her wrist and recovery, we didn’t seem to have much else to say to each other, so I assumed (which is never a wise thing to do), that she just wasn’t interested, and since I knew she seemed to be in an “interesting place” emotionally, I was pretty sure this wasn’t a love connection.  We weren’t connected in any meaningful way, and eventually I met someone else.  Well, apparently Broke Down Betty didn’t get the memo, because after about three weeks of silence (and remember, we never actually went out), she started calling and talking about getting together for coffee or dinner. Quite frankly, I wasn’t interested.  I told her that because we hadn’t actually TALKED in weeks, I really didn’t think she was interested in getting to know me and that I thought it best if we just became friends.

This is when she broke down on me.

Broke Down Betty didn’t want to take no for an answer, and I honestly couldn’t figure out why.  We never actually went on a date, and didn’t talk that much on the phone.  Still, she kept trying to convince me that we should go out, that she was ready for a relationship, and at some point she started to cry. I was completely shocked and could only wait patiently until she finished. At some point she got herself together and proceeded to tell me that she had had a lot going on in the past few weeks, (her wrist, her son was accused of a crime he didn’t commit, among other things), which is why she broke down crying on me. Well, I’ve got to be honest, and I know some of you are going to think this is harsh, but I told her (very nicely) that perhaps she needed to seek grief counseling, because she kept telling me that I didn’t know how it felt to lose my mother, and she’s right, I don’t. But I am a near stranger to this woman, and I am probably not the best person to help her deal with her grief. I was relieved when she told me that she had already signed up for group counseling, although I honestly thought she might need a bit of one on one.  I did tell her that I really thought she needed a good friend, and that I’d be happy to be that.  Do you think I’ve heard from her since? Not hardly.

The moral of the story is this: The first time I talked to this woman I had a feeling that she wasn’t in a good place emotionally, and I was right. However, I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, which is why I continued to communicate with her, even if only briefly.  So, go with your gut. I’ve been accused of being too hasty to jump ship with this kind of thing, but so far, my gut has served me well. The second thing I figured out is that I think this woman was being manipulative. To be honest, it seemed as if she cried on demand, because even in the conversation where she actually “broke down,” she seemed to turn it around so quickly that it was like it had never happened at all.  Although I think that if I had decided to go out with her, she would have seen her tears as a way to get what she wanted from me. That really bothered me, and although I had already decided that she probably wasn’t for me, I was a bit annoyed that she seemed to think she could “get to me” that way.  Either way, things worked out the way they were supposed to, because I’ve moved on, and trust me, I’m not looking back!

1 Response to "Broke Down Betty and The Snow Bunny, Part 1"

I agree about trusting your instincts and congrats on the new love interest! Can’t wait to read more! 😉

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